


Anxious Day

by awgaskarth0805



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-19 15:08:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22579645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awgaskarth0805/pseuds/awgaskarth0805
Summary: Alex has an anxious day on tour, leading to an anxiety attack at a show.
Kudos: 5





	Anxious Day

**Author's Note:**

> Slight trigger warning for mentions of anxiety/ an anxiety attack.

Alex absolutely loved being in a band. He loved inspiring people with his lyrics and allowing them to feel something real. Also, he loved that by being onstage for ninety minutes and doing what he was passionate about, he could bring people some genuine happiness.   
Something that Alex hadn’t ever really talked about publicly was his struggle with anxiety. Being a performer meant that he had to work through it sometimes, which normally wasn’t an issue, but sometimes it was. There would be some days on the road where his anxiety would just flare up for no real reason. His bandmates knew about this, and they always did the best they could to help Alex feel okay when this happened.   
They were currently on tour, and were set to play a show in Columbus, Ohio that evening. When Alex woke up, he knew that he felt off, but not in a sick way, leading him to realize that he was having an anxiety flare up. His stomach felt a bit uneasy, his mind felt like it was on overdrive, and he felt small next to his thoughts that just kept coming, no matter what he tried to do to stop them.   
He tried to take a deep breath, but it felt very hard to do, almost like he was drowning. Alex shut his eyes and breathed slowly until he felt like he had some control again. Once he felt a bit more stable, Alex got out of his bunk and made his way into the front lounge. Jack was already out there and was watching something on his computer.  
“Hey Alex, what’s up?” Jack asked, still looking at his screen.  
“My anxiety is acting up a bit,” Alex replied, walking over to Jack. Jack immediately paused his video and shut his laptop.  
“Sit down here. What’re you thinking about that’s freaking you out?” Jack asked as Alex sat on the couch next to him.  
“I don’t even know, to be honest. I guess I keep thinking of worst-case scenario things about tonight, and even the rest of tour. I don’t know why, though, this tour has been really great so far,” Alex explained.  
“Have you tried taking some deep breaths?” Jack asked, to which Alex nodded in reply.  
“Well, that’s a good start, then. Nothing is going to go wrong tonight, man. This tour has been great so far; the kids have loved it, we’ve been having lots of fun, and it’s overall a great experience so far,” Jack stated.  
“I agree, which is why I’m confused that I’m even feeling this way,” Alex replied.  
“Why don’t we do something that’ll hopefully get your mind off of this some,” Jack suggested.  
“Like what?” Alex asked.  
“We could make something for lunch, since it’s close to one, or we can play something on our guitars, and just jam a bit. Whatever you think will help you out the most right now,” Jack replied.  
“Maybe we could just jam for a bit? That always helps,” Alex replied.  
“Let’s do that, then,” Jack replied. He walked to the back of the bus and grabbed their acoustic guitars that they practiced with, then gave Alex his. They spent the rest of the bus ride playing and doing their best to make Alex’s anxious thoughts fade away.  
\--------------------  
“Are you ready for soundcheck?” Jack asked as the bus pulled up to the venue. The two of them jammed for about an hour, then made some lunch and watched a movie while they ate.  
“Yeah, I think so,” Alex replied with a small smile, since he felt a little better now.  
“Good, I’m glad you’re feeling more like yourself now. We’re going to kick tonight in the ass!” Jack said in an encouraging voice.  
“Thanks for helping me get out of my head some, man,” Alex said, grateful for his friend.   
“No problem, dude. Now, let’s get inside for soundcheck,” Jack said as they shared a smile. They quickly grabbed everything they’d need, then made their way inside of the venue.   
Rian and Zack had already gone inside, so soundcheck started as soon as Alex and Jack grabbed their guitars. The anxious feeling that Alex had earlier was slowly starting to creep back up on him, but he did his best to ignore it. Today was just a normal day, Alex knew that there was nothing to be nervous about. Despite these thoughts, Alex was able to make it through the rest of their soundcheck.  
“We have an hour and a half before we have to go onstage,” Zack stated.  
“Should we go eat something?” Rian suggested.  
“I’m up for that. How’s that sound, Alex?” Jack asked, turning to look at Alex.  
“Yeah, let’s do it,” Alex said with a small, forced smile. He didn’t want to decline and make his bandmates worry about him, so he decided that forcing himself to go would be easier in the long run. If he was being honest, eating really didn’t sound appealing, but Alex decided to try doing so anyway. Besides, he’d come to his senses soon enough, right?   
The four of them walked around until they found a Five Guys and decided to eat there. Alex ordered a burger and fries, but eating it was harder than he thought it’d be, but he did his best to eat it anyway. He tried to convince himself that this anxious feeling would soon go away, especially since it didn’t really have a clear cause.   
Once they were done, they walked back to the venue, and realized that it was just about showtime. After quickly getting themselves stage ready, they all walked over to the stage entrance. Seeing the stage and all of the fans made Alex’s anxiety grow stronger. He considered telling this to Jack, but he didn’t want to make Jack concerned about him for the whole show, so he decided against it. Besides, he’d be just fine once they got into the groove of the show, right?   
“It’s time for you guys to go on!” a crew member stated. They walked onstage and took their places, and Alex hoped for the best for the night.  
\------------------  
Throughout the show, Alex’s anxiety only got worse. They’d played eight songs, and every second of being onstage made Alex’s nerves get stronger. Jack could tell that something was up with Alex, but he couldn’t tell the severity of it.   
When they were about to start their ninth song, Time Bomb, Alex’s body took total control over him. His mind started to race at a million miles a minute, and Alex couldn’t get it to stop. Zack, Rian and Jack had started to play the opening instrumental part to Time Bomb, but Alex couldn’t get himself to play his part. Even though the song sounded incomplete, Zack started to sing the backing vocals in the beginning, not sure what was going on.   
They got to the part where Alex was supposed to come in with the first verse, but he completely froze. He felt almost like he was paralyzed, and like he had absolutely no control over himself. His mind started to race even more, and his stomach started to churn painfully.   
Jack looked over to Alex, and quickly realized that Alex was having an anxiety attack. He signaled to the lighting crew to dim the stage lights so the crowd wouldn’t be able to see what was happening. Once the lights were down, Jack quickly walked over to Alex while still playing his part.  
“Are you okay?” Jack asked, feeling concerned.  
“Anxiety attack,” Alex replied, unable to get anything else out.  
“Do you need to step offstage for a minute? That’s totally okay to do,” Jack said, trying his best to be comforting to his friend.  
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Alex said in a shaky voice.  
“Step offstage, man, we can distract the crowd. Do what you’ve got to do, it’s all going to be okay,” Jack said in a calm voice. Alex’s stomach flipped, prompting him to quickly make his way off of the stage. A crew member had a bucket ready, sensing what was going to happen next. Alex was led to a chair then immediately got sick into the bucket.   
Jack tried to come up with some banter to keep the crowd entertained but kept his eyes on Alex. Once Alex was done getting sick, he started to cry some, and Jack could see that he was having a hard time breathing from all of this. A crew member was trying very hard to comfort Alex, but nothing they were doing was working.  
“Guys, I’ll be right back! We have more of this shitshow for you guys, but we’re going to take a, um, an intermission! Rian and Zack will stay out here and jam for now!” Jack replied, getting a few laughs. He quickly walked offstage, then made his way over to Alex, who was still hyperventilating. He took off his guitar, then sat down on a chair next to Alex.  
“Alex, I need you to breathe for me, okay?” Jack said, putting his hand on Alex’s back. After a minute, Jack realized that this hadn’t really worked, so he got another idea.   
“Alex, I want to try something out here. I want you to name five things that you can see,” Jack said, still rubbing Alex’s back.  
“You, me, my guitar, your guitar, Zack onstage,” Alex choked out.  
“Good, now I want you to name four things that you can touch or feel,” Jack continued.  
“This chair, my clothes, my shoes, your hand on my back,” Alex said, starting to calm down some.  
“Great, now list off three things you can hear,” Jack stated.  
“Zack talking, the fans, and your voice,” Alex replied.  
“Awesome, now two things you can smell,” Jack continued.  
“Sweat and your breath,” Alex said, feeling calmer now.  
“Hey! Okay, finally, what’s one thing you can taste?” Jack asked.  
“My vomit,” Alex replied, making Jack grimace. Alex’s breathing started to slow down, and slowly began to even out.  
“Keep taking deep breaths, in and back out,” Jack said, still rubbing Alex’s back.  
“Answer this when you’re ready, how’re you feeling?” Jack asked. Alex kept breathing for a couple more minutes before deciding that he was ready to answer Jack’s question.   
“I feel a bit calmer now,” Alex replied, wiping the tears from his eyes.  
“Good, come here, man,” Jack said, wrapping his best friend into a tight hug. Alex let out a few more sniffles before finally letting go of Jack.  
“I have to go back out there so we can give the fans some closure,” Jack said, pointing to the stage.  
“I want to go, too,” Alex stated.  
“Are you sure, man?” Jack asked.  
“Yes, I have to, and I want to,” Alex replied.  
“Why don’t we just do Dear Maria, then call it a night? The fans will understand why we’re stopping early, I promise,” Jack said, hoping to assure his friend.  
“That’s fine with me,” Alex agreed.  
“Okay, I’ll announce that we’ve got one more song. Are you ready to go out there?” Jack asked. Alex just nodded before they picked their guitars up and walked back onstage. The audience cheered as they made their way back to their respective mic stands.  
“I told you guys we’d be back! We only have one more song for you guys, and we’d love it if you scream the words if you know them!” Jack exclaimed, starting to play Dear Maria. Alex sang it fine, he did it so well that it would be hard to guess that he’d just come from having an anxiety attack. When they finished the song, they thanked the crowd, then walked offstage.  
“Alex, you scared the shit out of us!” Rian exclaimed once they were backstage.  
“Yeah, you really did. Are you okay now?” Zack asked in a sympathetic voice.  
“Yeah, I am. This is actually the best I’ve felt all day,” Alex confessed.  
“Do you know what triggered this?” Rian asked.  
“I’ve just had an anxious feeling nagging at me all day,” Alex replied.  
“I’m sorry that what we did earlier wasn’t enough to make it totally go away,” Jack stated.  
“This isn’t your fault, Jack, I promise. I really thought that I’d be okay after we hung out earlier,” Alex replied.  
“So, you feel a lot better now?” Zack asked.  
“Yeah, I actually do. Having that anxiety attack sort of helped me in a way, because Jack did something to help me. Thank you for that, Jack,” Alex said, making himself and Jack smile some.  
“No problem, you know I don’t mind helping you with all of this,” Jack replied.  
“Well Alex, do you want to go out like we’d planned, or do you want to just go back to the bus and relax?” Rian asked.  
“I actually kind of want to go out, I think. I want to feel normal again, and I think that this will help, especially since I’m feeling a lot better now,” Alex replied.  
“As long as you’re sure, let’s go!” Zack exclaimed. The four of them walked out of the venue, and Alex walked slower so Jack could catch up to him.  
“Thank you again, Jack. You really helped me out back there, and it means a lot,” Alex said, making them both smile some.  
“No problem, you know I’m always happy to help you, Alex. Now, let’s go have a great fucking time!” Jack exclaimed. Alex continued to feel even better as the night went on, and he couldn’t help but feel grateful about having the best friends ever by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So, this isn't a request because I didn't have time to get one written to post today! I'm hoping to have one written out for tomorrow, because I only have two left! I wrote this story in my senior year of high school (I think), and was never planning on sharing it, but I thought it covered an important issue, so I decided that today was the day to share it! I know it's a bit heavy, and I'm always a bit hesitant to post mental health centered stories like this, because I don't want it to be inaccurate or triggering, but I wanted to take this time to say that I'm always here for you guys. Writing has helped me through the feelings that Alex has in this, so the fact that you guys enjoy my work makes me very happy for a lot of reasons, but especially this one. Please send in requests if you have them, my last two should be up within the next couple days! Thank you guys for reading, it really means the world. Lots of love, Liv.


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